


A NON CANONICAL VOLTRON GROUP CHAT I guess

by Margo_the_Tiniest_Duchess



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, M/M, Unfinished
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-05-20 01:39:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19367569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Margo_the_Tiniest_Duchess/pseuds/Margo_the_Tiniest_Duchess
Summary: Its mainly set Highschool AU but it's also not so I don't know what to call it but its only slightly canonical but very non canonical so don't think to much into where/when/how it's setalso very much on Voltron on crackno regular update schedule





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> its really easy to figure out the names cause I spent a lot of time making puns using the names. the only one you may have trouble with is SvenFromThen. SvenFromThen is Shiro (its a really deep pun on the fact that for the past five Voltron makes and remakes it was Sven not shiro)

PidgedOut: EYY BITCHES

SvenFromThen: Language Katie!

PidgedOut: HOIYOZ BITCHES

LonceIn321: ‘hoiyoz’ isn’t even a word

PidgedOut: it is now

SheathedKeith: where are you anyway, because I can’t see you in class.

SvenFromThen: KATIE! I hope you’re not skipping class

SvenFromThen: if you are then….

GranKrolia: we will kill you

SvenFromThen: WHAT!? NO!?

PidgedOut: I’M A BAD BITCH, YOU CAN’T KILL ME! 

HunksKitchenNightmare: she sure is

AlluraBoreallis: what do you mean Hunk?

HunksKitchenNightmare: if you really wanna know were pidge is 

SheathedKeith: yeah

LonceIn321: mhm

PidgedOut: Hunk I Swear if you tell them

HunksKitchenNightmare: she’s in the Principals office

PidgedOut: yOu BiTcH!

UtterMattness: Katie! What did you do?

SvenFromThen: I don’t think you can make me anymore disappointed.

PidgedOut: yes! A chance to prove you wrong

HunksKitchenNightmares: its …….. kinda impressive

LonceIn321: with pidge everything is impressive…

SheathedKeith: Lance I don’t think you should finish that sentence

LonceIn321: …. Except her height!

PidgedOut: fear me in your nightmares for you are my next victim

GranKrolia: I like this sassy child, she’s…

GranKrolia: entertaining

SheathedKeith: mom don’t encourage her. 

GranKrolia: don’t tell me what to do, I have blackmail material.

AlluraBoreallis: on who?!?!?

GranKrolia: everyone

UtterMattness: Katie. What. Did. You. Do. Cause the answering machine just picked up a message from the school for dad.

PidgedOut: I set fire to a student.

SvenFromThen: YOU DID WHAT!!!!!!?????????

UtterMattness: I thought I raised you better than this

PidgedOut: says he who stabbed a fellow classmate with a fork in the middle of an exam because he sneezed

UtterMattness: that was ages ago

SvenFromThen: that was 3 days ago!!!!

SvenFromThen: you’re still suspended!!!

UtterMattness: then I am proud of you my sister

SvenFromThen: BaD mAtT 

UtterMattness: :3

LonceIn321: who was it? Who did you set fire to???

PidgedOut: it was James.

LonceIn321: jAmEs WhY

HunksKitchenNightmare: oh yeah that’s right you 2 are dating right?

SheathedKeith: wHaT 

PidgedOut: he kept saying Champaign.

LonceIn321: That’s not a reason to set fire to him

GranKrolia: not enough substantial ‘reason’

PidgedOut: he kept saying it like lasagne

HunksKitchenNightmare: the bastard

GranKrolia: Burn him at the stake

SheathedKeith: honestly any reason is a good enough reason for me

UtterMattness: More Punishment

AlluraBoreallis: is that not how you say it? 

PidgedOut: Lock your door you incompetent bitch for after Lance you are next.

AlluraBoreallis: I’m Scared

GranKrolia: as you should be

UtterMattness: Pidge dads gonna be there in 20 minutes.

PidgedOut: Mkay!


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coran gets high and makes some 'soup'?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept spelling coran koran. and i'm to lazy to change it for the moment so...
> 
> Lets Roll With It!!!!!!!

Korangutan: hUnK i NeEd HeLp WiTh my ShOuP  
HunksKitchenNightmare: sure! What kind of soup are you making??  
Korangutan: wAtEr  
PidgedOut: omg  
AlluraBoreallis: ……  
SheathedKeith: what the fuck Koran  
HunksKitchenNightmare: Koran, run that by me again. What soup are you making?  
Korangutan: sPiCeD wAtEr ShOuP  
HunksKitchenNightmare: what the fuck is that supposed to mean???!???!??  
Korangutan: eXaCtLy wHaT I sAiD sPiCeD wAtEr ShOuP  
PidgedOut: lmao I’m broken.  
Adam&Steve: what the heck is happening in the kitchen Shiro?!?!?! Somethings burning!?!?!  
SvenFromThen: Koran is in there.  
HunksKitchenNightmare: Koran what fucking spice did you use?!?!?!  
Korangutan: pAkIgE sAiD nØØtMeG  
PidgedOut: I’m laffing so hard rn  
SvenFromThen: *laughing  
HunksKitchenNightmare: KORAN!!!!!! NOW YOU REALLY ARE BEING MY KITCHEN NIGHTMARE!!!!! NUTMEG IS NOT A SAVORY SPICE!  
Korangutan: nØØtMeG is nOt BrEaThInG! is nØØtMeG oKaY?  
Korangutan sent nØØtMeG.jpg  
PidgedOut: I’m dying  
SheathedKeith: is the spoon on fire?!?!  
HunksKitchenNightmare: YOU PUT ONE WHOLE NUTMEG IN-WHAT THE FUCK KORAN WHAT THE FUCK!!!???  
Adam&Steve: I’m going in to check on the condition of the kitchen.  
SvenFromThen: …………… be careful Adam.  
Korangutan: nØØtMeG is dEaD. rEsT in PeAcE nØØtMeG  
PidgedOut: I’m laffing so hard I can’t breathe  
UtterMattness: somebody Call 911, Katie’s dying.  
Korangutan: i WiLl  
AlluraBoreallis: Koran you’ve just called me  
Korangutan: wHaT is CoRrEcT nUmBeR tHeN?  
SheathedKeith: hazarding a guess I would say the number for 911 is…  
SheathedKeith: 9 1 1  
Korangutan: tHaNk yOu  
Adam&Steve: the kitchen is a nightmare!  
HunksKitchenNightmare: is my kitchen nightmare?  
Adam&Steve: Idk what that’s supposed to mean and I also don’t know what this white powder is in the-  
Korangutan: gRuUn EnVeLoOpE  
Adam&Steve: yeah that.  
AlluraBoreallis: Koran you gotta be kidding me  
AlluraBoreallis: you bought drugs?!  
Korangutan: it wAs A fReE sOoMpLe  
SheathedKeith: Mother did you have anything to do with this?  
GranKrolia: maybe  
SheathedKeith: MOM!  
UtterMattness: Shiro dad can’t make it to the hospital can you come instead?  
SvenFromThen: wHAT DO YOU MEAN THE HOSPITAL?!?!?!?!?!  
UtterMattness: well Katie passed out from laughing so much…  
SvenFromThen: Fine! I’m coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something weird happened so it wouldn't add the spaces inbetween the lines no matter what I did soo I'm sorry


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is where lance breaks up with his boyfriend 
> 
> and the klance begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also the kinda depressing stuff to do with lance's anxiety and shit begins here to ].... don't woryy that wont last tooooo longe

SheathedKeith: what are those strange noises coming from Lance’s room?

GranKrolia: background; we are staying at Lance’s place because I may or may not have built our house on private property….

SheathedKeith: Lance’s mom threw a shoe at me. I have a black eye now

PidgedOut: what kind of noises, nothing bad I hope.

AlluraBoreallis: (¬¬¬¬_¬)

SheathedKeith: it’s hard to understand but I think he’s trying to speak but not trying but also trying to speak.

HunksKitchenNightmare: so you mean Lance is crying.

SheathedKeith: yes. But he’s crying a lot. Like a lot a lot.

PidgedOut: I think we know why

UtterMattness: we?

AlluraBoreallis: we. Me and pidge

SheathedKeith: then what is it?

PidgedOut: James broke up with Lance

AlluraBoreallis: in that order.

PidgedOut: just a hunch

AlluraBoreallis: but one we’re pretty sure of.

SvenFromThen: let’s let Lance tell us what happened.

LonceIn321 is online

LonceIn321: I don’t want to talk about it.

PidgedOut: come on.

HunksKitchenNightmare: it’ll make you feel better

AlluraBoreallis: trust me it will

LonceIn321: fine I will tell you what happened.

LonceIn321: I caught James cheating and then he dumped me.

HunksKitchenNightmare: that doesn’t sound too bad.

LonceIn321: he dumped me for a girl.

PidgedOut: Maybe it was a good thing that I set James on fire last week. Maybe I should do it again soon… (/ * U*)/ 

SheathedKeith: leave it to me

PidgedOut: would not want to be Jam right now

SvenFromThen: *James

PidgedOut: no I meant jam. Not James, Jam.

HunksKitchenNightmare: why Jam in particular

PidgedOut: Jam is Lance’s comfort food. I know cause I know everybody’s comfort food 

LonceIn321: don’t judge me ok. I like jam. 

GranKrolia: I don’t think there’s any Jam left in the house

GranKrolia: Lance your mom is real mad right now.

LonceIn321: TwT oh no.

HunksKitchenNightmare: what wrong?

LonceIn321: mom is gonna kill me!

SheathedKeith: what’s happened while I was gone?

PidgedOut: Lance ate all the Jam.

LonceIn321: TwT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAN't English today


	4. chapter4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMEEEEEETHIIIIIING**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updating for a friend

PidgedOut: gIvE mE aPpLeY jUiCe

UtterMattness: HOLY JESUS KATIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

PidgedOut: sEaRcHiNg FoR aPpLeY jUiCe

UtterMattness: Looking like that?

_UtterMattness sent dishevelledscurryingPidgepigtails.gif_

SheathedKeith: did you need to send a gif?

Korangutan: HOLY QUIZNACK

Korangutan: Allura call the exorcist

AlluraBoreallis: but Lotor is ded

SvenFromThen: Katie it is 3 am

GranKrolia: why is this ˆˆˆ spamming my inbox at 3 am?

 

SvenFromThen: Katie explain

PidgedOut: i WaNtEd aPpLeY jUiCe

AlluraBoreallis: translation of this ˆˆˆ please

SvenFromThen: You wanted apple juice at 3 am

PidgedOut: fOr MeH cRaViNgSe

UtterMattness: woahp nope time for bed.

__________________________

PidgedOut: good morning yall.

SheathedKeith: WHAT THE FUCK WAS LAST NIGHT!

PidgedOut: what do you mean ‘last night’?

UtterMattness: read the converstation 

PidgedOut: lmao.

PidgedOut: I had a night terror last night.

SheathedKeith: you had a night terror last night.

PidgedOut: yup. I was being possed by demons

UtterMattness: sounds about right

SvenFromThen: yeah

KranGrolia: yeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh that’s seemed to be the gist of it.

Korangutan: we tried to call the exorcist

PidgedOut: lotor?

Korangutan: but Allura said he is ded.

SheathedKeith: since when was lotor dead?

AlluraBoreallis: HE’S DEAD TO ME!

PidgedOut: right then.


	5. chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dungeons and dragons themed cause i watched that episode where Koran was simultaneously one of the best and worst dungeon masters i have ever seen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got tiny bit of inspiration but it didn't last long  
> also i have influenza so i have had a hard time thinking in general

Korangutan: Guess what everybody!!

PidgedOut: what

SvenFromThen: what is it Koran?

HunksKitchenNightmare: hmmm?

SheathedKeith: what? Wait I don’t care

LonceIn321: you don’t care about anything

SheathedKeith: that’s not true. I care about you Lance

UtterMattness: hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

PidgedOut: kEiTH tHAtS gAy

GranKrolia: fine by me, I couldn’t give 2 fucks-

SvenFromThen: LANGUAGE KROLIA

GranKrolia: I COULDN’T GIVE TWO ALTAEN SHITS SHIRO

AlluraBoreallis: fucking biTCH 

HunksKitchenNightmare: everybody just CALM DOWN

HunksKitchenNightmare: Koran what was it you wanted to say in the first place?

Korangutan: well me and Allura-

SvenFromThen: *Allura and I

PidgedOut: shut it Shiro

Korangutan: -Allura and I were in a shop called Zing-

LonceIn321: Noice choice

PidgedOut: I agree with the above statement

Korangutan: -and I found [THIS] game!

_The link [THIS] goes to an imgur gallery_

PidgedOut: FUCK YES DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS

UtterMattness: MY CHILDHOOD IS COMING BACK TO ME

LonceIn321: you two seem excited over the Cliché

SheathedKeith: the Cliché?

HunksKitchenNightmare: D&D is Nerd Games 101

SvenFromThen: D&D? Dungeons and what now?

Adam&Steve: Shiro you gotta be kidding me

Korangutan: what is the game about? How do you play it?

PidgedOut: it’s the most classic fantasy RPG game ever

Korangutan: oh so it’s like [insert whatever the fuck that RPG game was called in the entire episode about it in Voltron Legendary Defender]

UtterMattness: I guess it might be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 MORE GOTDARN WEEKS UNTIL QUIZNACING PARTY TIME PPL
> 
> i will try to collate an amass of chapters for this story _consideringihavemebe50chaptersontheBNHAgroupchatalreadyyoucanseewhichisthefavouritestory_


End file.
